Let Them To Their Grief and Their Lives

I don't always like to use pictures or graphics but today they serve a real purpose. Above is a shot of the State Prison at Camp Hill.

This is another view of SCI at Camp Hill. It's a very real place.

This cemetery is like most that we have all gone to, to say goodbye to loved ones, to place flowers or momentos. We leave a piece of ourselves there. As hard as the related churches and caretakers try to make them beautiful final resting places, there is nothing pretty about a cemetery. It represents a broken heart, broken dreams, lives unfulfilled or long lives ended. Sometimes, it represents an evil slap across the heart of those who have had someone dear to them brutally and ruthlessly ripped from them.


Lately, I've been extremely focused on my research into the Marian Baker murder and Marian's story, in particular. It's been a little while since I have been moved to provide commentary, but today it's needed.
As I posted a few days ago, there is so much loss surrounding the Roseboro murder. There are no winners and never will be. The State of Pennsylvania is not a winner, nor are the residents of that state. Jan Roseboro's family didn't win with the verdict in the trial.
Jan is dead. That will never change, no matter the verdict or sentence imposed. Even the death penalty will never right the wrongs.
The State of Pennsylvania, in the person of DA Steadman and his team did what we all hope they will do for each and every one of us should we find ourselves in the horrible tragedy that Jan Roseboro found herself in, for absolutely no reason or provocation on her part. She was an innocent heart who lost it all.
Her children lost their Mom. Her sister and brother lost their loved sibling. Her friends lost so much as well.
It's only natural that society as a whole pays close attention to crimes such as this. We all did. Some of us have freely shared our steadfast opinions about all the players involved in the crime and the filthy affair that led to Jan's death.
As the months passed leading up to the trial, there were times I wondered if it was becoming harder and harder for some folks to remember that this isn't a movie or a tv drama.
This happened to real people. No different than you and I. Yes, their decisions may not be what we believe we would have ever chosen, under any circumstances. But Jan was one of us.
And for all intents and purposes, so was Mike Roseboro.
It became easy for many to get so caught up in the trial and the ponderings of the strategy the defense would use, the sleazy and cheesy scandal as it grew and grew and of course, the progressing pregnancy of Mike and Angie's child.
The trial is over. The sentence has been handed down. The appeal is a natural and expected result.
It's much like the hours or days after the funeral of a loved one.
In the instant of the loss, there are visitors, casseroles of food, phone calls.... but after the loved one is laid to rest, it slowly gets quiet. The chaos and furor that naturally occur when someone dies, naturally settles down and those left behind are left staring at their empty hands wondering what to do next.
After the trial and the sentence pronouncement, it got very quiet for those left behind by Jan Roseboro.
In the sigh of relief, there is a deafening silence.
So it is for the Roseboro family.
Their daughter-in-law died at the hands of their only son.
Their grandchildren are without a mother.
And they are without one of their children.
If we aren't careful we can all lose sight of the reality of what everyone who is so closely related to Jan and Mike is going through.
This is still not a movie. It is not a television docudrama.
Hence, my need to post pictures.
I wonder how many people truly have thought of what it's like to wake up in Camp Hill or even the Lancaster County Prison knowing that you will never, ever be able to choose what you will do in the next few minutes, never be able to come and go as you please, never have your freedom ever again?
Yes, Mike chose his actions and that is his loss. But it's sobering nonetheless.
He hasn't won a thing. He's lost it all.
There is a sadness for his life lost as well. He lost a life with his children, his family and his parents.
He's paying the price. Enough said.
Is it really necessary to pick over those bones day after day after day?
I would understand it better if the people ripping and tearing at the Roseboro case relentlessly were actually connected to the family. Some have never ever laid eyes on any member of the Roseboro family, let alone ever spoken to them. What vested interest do you really have?
Even Jan's own sister, who has lost so very much, hasn't been dancing with glee over the trial and the result, nor has she ranted and railed against the man who took her dear sister's life in the most heinous of ways?
With no true and honest tie to anyone involved in the family or the case, why can't it just be left alone?
From a Mom's point of view, my heart is broken for Jan. She isn't here in the physical sense to hold her children or watch them grow up.
They will never fill that hole in their lives.
From the same point of view, my heart is broken for Mr. and Mrs. Roseboro.
They did nothing wrong. They loved their children and they raised them well.
They have been fine people for as long as I or anyone in my family can remember. I have had many opportunities to interact with Ralph especially and I can't imagine how he is making it day to day with the burden he now bears.
Ann Roseboro has a son. She held him as a newborn, she rocked him when he cried.
And now, when he is hurt or cold or scared, she can't help him.
For God's sake, give these people a rest.
This is not a movie. This is not a television show.
It wasn't created for anyone's entertainment.
And during the early days after the crime and even for the duration of the trial, interest, even by total strangers made some sense.
But it's over.
Aren't we the lucky ones?
We can move on to the next "big thing".
We can go to bed tonight knowing that we can hug our sons in the morning.
And if they have a problem, they can sit across the kitchen table from us and talk to us.
And if the mood hits us, we can hug the heck out of them just because we love them.
The Roseboro's don't need anyone's permission to love Mike.
They don't need anyone's permission to do anything.
They do deserve the respect of everyone to let them to their grief and their loss and their lives.
What more is there to gain by keeping a circus atmosphere going in reference to their lives?
People are appearing gleeful and joking in talking about the very worst thing that could have happened to the Roseboro family.
Yes, Mike was convicted. But all the words slung at him hit his Mother first.
Does anyone understand that?
Or is keeping this circus going because it's the only thing that creates enough traffic that important?
Not one Mom I've spoken with has been able to not think about Ann Roseboro.
Many think of Missy too. She has lost her brother and her "normal" life just as they all have.
These people did nothing wrong and yet they have lost so much too.
Catastrophe happened to them. It was the result of choices made by their son.
But now that the State of Pennsylvania has taken care of it for all of us, isn't it time to show them some respect and let it be?
The giggles and "I know something else!" innuendoes are sickening and ridiculous.
The loudest gigglers and those who intimate the most often that they know more are the ones who know the least and have never ever met one Roseboro family member.
For any of you with a son, think about it.
I'm sure you would hate what he did, if you could even begin to allow yourself to believe that he did do it. But you can't stop loving your child. Not if you're any kind of Mom.
News flash!!!
DA Steadman and the State of Pennsylvania and the jury took care of business.
So if the relentless interest was solely because you are so very worried about justice and the scales being balanced, they got it!
I can hear a policeman in my head..."Move along folks! There's nothing else to see here!"
Literally.
This isn't a movie. These people are real.
Let them to their grief and their loss.
Stop causing them more pain.
Especially when it's steeped in nothing more than a desire to keep the entertainment going.
Show the Roseboro family some respect.

And when you do, you'll also allow Jan's children and family to deal with their grief and loss too.
Bashing Mike and ridiculing him hurts his children.
One day, as fully grown adults, they can read the court transcripts, the records and pour over the files and make up their own minds.
And even if they decide that they believe he did kill their Mom, he is their Dad.
They are allowed to love him.

It may be hard to grasp, but even the family of victims are impacted by relentless coverage and bashing of the convicted. It doesn't allow anyone the peace to try to move on.
They are the ones with the holes in their heart. If they aren't screaming everyday about their pain, then who on earth are we to keep shoving it under their noses? Especially for motives that are less than exemplary.
Jan's family wants to give the children the best life possible under the circumstances. They need to be able to just live. They don't need to know that total strangers, who mean nothing to them and their lives with their Mom, are having a field day trashing their Dad or rehashing the horrible facts and pain that tore their lives apart.

They wish to be left alone.
They wish to have their privacy back.
Mike's crime and conviction didn't take that from them. Well, it shouldn't have.
It's time for people to show some good sense and compassion and let these people alone.
They are dying inside while strangers are making jokes.
Put yourself in their shoes for just one moment and try to imagine how it feels.
Especially those of us with sons.
And even those of us with daughters.
Jan's children deserve peace. And trashing their Dad repeatedly hurts them.
And as I said, they don't need anyone's permission to love him.
Stop feeding on the tragedy of these families.
They need for you to stop.
Let them to their lives now.
Please.